One Year Ago

It has officially been a year since the day I found out I was pregnant with Easton. 

(You can go back to November and Decembers blog posts from 

last year if you would like to relive the memories)

It was and continues to be so exciting and I am grateful every single day 

for my healthy and happy baby boy.

"I love him so much it hurts"

When the movie Dear John came out, my siblings and I would all make fun of a specific part of the trailer. (LOVED the book, Channing Tatum was the only highlight of the movie) They're writing letters back and forth and the guy says, "Letter number eighty-one: I miss you so much it hurts." It sounded cheesy and melodramatic. My brother Aaron would call and tell me, "Letter number six hundred and seventeen: I miss you so much it hurts." 

But I just recently discovered a similar feeling... a stronger feeling, if you will.

I love my baby so much. But thats not all. I love him so much it hurts. My heart aches. I feel like I have a physical reaction to how much I love our perfect little boy. I mentioned it to my mom (half-joking, half-serious) and she knew exactly what I was talking about. You hurt when they hurt, you love them more than yourself, you can't imagine ever being able to love anyone any more... but she said that you feel the same way about all your children.

I saw a quote a couple years ago and it's message has stayed with me ever since:

"To be a mother is to forever have your heart walk around outside your body"

Easton is always happy and quick to smile, especially when you walk into his room for the first time in the morning. Also when he recognizes the diaper change song. Or when he kicks his legs in the warm bath water. Or when he rolls around on his mom and dad's bed. Or when he gets to sit up like a big boy. But its not just the smiles that get to me. Its when he's not looking at me.  I like watching him in the rearview mirror, looking out the window or playing with his hands. Or when he's sleeping in his crib.

But don't get me wrong, I LOVE all his smiles and the little grunt laugh that he's started.

Last night, Blaine was at the gym and Jake was asleep and Easton and I were just hanging out. He was gnawing on his 2 fingers and laughing and smiling and staring at me and it was some of our sweetest moments yet. Blaine has been the only one to get any grunting bursts of laughter so far, and it was finally my turn. I sneakily got my phone out and thought I videoed 2 full minutes of laughter and smiles and stares, but later I realized that my memory storage was full and that I only got about 6 seconds!!! I told Blaine all about it when he got home and he reminded me that I had it saved in MY memory.

 

I'm always taking pictures and I've thought about 2 things:

- I'm not IN hardly any pictures

- I miss out on saving some moments or images in my OWN memory because I'm worried or preoccupied with taking a picture of it

I saw a study recently that proposed that taking pictures of memories actually makes you less likely to remember them because you're not focused on living in that moment and being able to remember it later...

Food for thought. Maybe I'll try to balance that a little more. We'll see...

But long story short, I love Easton so much it "hurts". 

I've heard people say that having children allows you to experience a deeper love than you've ever felt because they are a part of you--which is true.

I've also heard people say that being a parent gives you a better idea of Heavenly Father's love for each of his children, which is also true. 

Easton: 4 Months

These past couple of weeks have had some big milestones for my sweet baby. He just gets cuter and cuter and loves to talk and roll. We're even starting to learn some of his preferences--like he usually does not appreciate night time baths.

At his 4 month check up today he weighed 17 lbs, 10 oz (95%) and was 25" tall (85%).

The biggest news has been that he learned to roll over--and now he does it all the time! Anytime I lay him down on his back, he will inevitably roll onto his tummy. He likes to sleep on his side and on his tummy. It's so cute, but I used to be nervous about him suffocating because he would sleep on his face. He only wakes up once a night to eat, but I usually have to get up about 3 extra times to roll him over. He rolls onto his tummy and sleeps like that for a while, but then is too sleepy to roll himself back over when he wants to so he fusses until I come roll him onto his back. The baby monitor is on my side of the bed and Blaine sleeps with ear plugs but he says that he sometimes wakes up and rolls him over because I don't hear it.

Easton is a VERY happy boy. He smiles all the time, especially in the morning or whenever he wakes up from a nap. He hasn't really laughed but has made a couple squawking laugh bursts randomly when Blaine's tried to tickle him. He never ever cries, just gets a little fussy when he's tired.

 (the one below is NOT his real smile, but still funny)

When he's getting ready to go to sleep (even if he's eating or fussing), he cups his right ear. I love it.

He still loves his lion toy Roary. He will just smile at it and stare at it and talk to it all the time. He's even started to reach out and grab hold of it, as well as the toys dangling from his play mat.

During the past couple of weeks, he's started to take two long naps rather than three or four 30-45 minute naps. A couple times over the past week, though, he hasn't wanted to take a nap unless he's being held. So I hold him. And stare at him. And love every minute of it.

Sure I get tired, but I can't complain about anything. I love Easton so much that sometimes I feel like I just can't handle it. Sometimes the only way I can describe it is that my heart is going to explode.

And here's some pictures from the past month just for fun

hahahaha I snapchat Blaine and our families all day everyday pretty much, 

and this was just good timing (below)